This is a follow up to The story of Kevin and Britney which I posted on November 15, 8 days after Britney filed for divorce. It has now been 18 days since the divorce, and I've spent quite a bit of time thinking about them in this time. I've been following them since they met, but my whole idea of them was turned upside-down on November 7. So who are they really? I re-watched Chaotic. I read through some old interviews. My opinion has also been influenced by one or more anonymous people close to the situation who have commented in this blog. You can decide for yourself if you believe them. I tend to think at least most are true because they sound like they have knowledge the average person wouldn't, plus what they are saying makes sense to me, and it doesn't really seem that unlikely that one or more people close to Kevin might search the net and come across this blog. Here are some of the anonymous comments:
Here's a few comments I got after posting The story of Kevin and Britney:
a couple problems with your theory
BRITNEY never did text Kevin about the divorce. a friend of his did.
Britney still smokes (cigarettes and marijuana)
Kevin did NOT say Fuck Britney and did NOT write that note
you are the one who needs to wake up and stop believing tabloid articles
neither kevin nor britney has made a statement about this divorce so people can stop speculating
THERE ARE SEVERAL people who seem to think that because something is printed in a magazines there is some basis of truth to it
i can tell you first hand that is not true
my best friend was on the cover of tabloids for supposedly cheating with Kevin, not only did it never happen, they were never in a room alone together, we were ALL there with them and Britney was at a hotel down the street
there was NO validity to the story yet newspapers and magazines ALL over the WORLD picked up the story and printed the gossip as if it was true
and people are STILL saying the rumor as if it were true, even though she went on major tv stations an tv shows letting them know it was not true
DON'T believe ANYTHING you read about Kevin and Britney unless you see them from their own mouth verify something
nothing in this situation is as it seems
After posting US Weekly's shower door message at House of Blues in Chicago:
I showed him this last night and he had never seen it before
its a good copy of his handwriting though
After posting the rumors about Britney being upset about the AMA skit:
Britney didnt dump Kevin by text. The text message that Kevin is viewing that was so famously shown on Much Music was NOT from Britney. it was from a friend of his letting him know that the divorce papers had hit the media.
Kevin was very upset about that.
Kevin did not leave Shar for Britney. Yes, Shar was a few months pregnant when Kevin met Britney , however, they were broken up.
Kevin was living with Jimmy Federico and Eddie Garcia when he met Britney. 2 of his best friends who are also professional dancers. They lived in a small apartment in The Valley. In fact they still live in that apartment and Kevin just got a apartment above them
- I then asked why Kevin would go on about Britney and the marriage if he knew they were getting divorced, and received the reply:
he didnt know the divorce was going to happen that soon, although he'd been threatened with divroce a few times, they were seperated for a few weeks before but he still thought they would work it out
however britney is not the person who texted him about the divorce on Muchmusic
the point being that Britney never did contact him about the divorce papers being filed
she let him find out from his friends who saw it on tv and internet
I did notice that especially in the MuchMusic interview, while Kevin talks about how supportive Britney is sometimes you get a sense that maybe something bigger is going on:
Sarah: Okay. This is it. We're going to test your truth. When was the last time you cried? Be honest.
Kevin: All right. You know, I sniffled up a little bit last week when I was missing my children. That's the honest truth. When I was in New York I shed a tear.
Sarah: Did you call them and talk to them?
Kevin: They're too young to really talk to. My other kids I get to talk to all the time. I was really missing Preston and Jayden.
Sarah: Do you have any kind of music specifically you go to when you're feeling those moments?
Kevin: No, I try to stay away from that because then I'll be bawling.
So a few of my theories have changed. After Britney filed for divorce it seemed so cold and calculated that I wondered if she had planned it from the beginning. After going through everything, I don't really think this is likely anymore. In Chaotic Britney talks about sending messages to the universe and how the universe will give stuff back to you. I think at the time she felt that had happened with Kevin, and that she believed it when she said she found her soulmate. She wanted to fall in love and get married, and the universe had answered her. Also she didn't get a prenump when she married Jason, and rumor has it (I don't know if it's true) that she was reluctant to get one with Kevin, so this sounds more like a woman who thinks the universe has answered her than one who has worked out a plan to have kids.
I had also wondered if maybe one of her motives might be that she felt Kevin, or at least his image, was a bad influence on her sons. That theory is out the window. No sooner do I get the anonymous comment "Britney still smokes (cigarettes and marijuana)" then we see Britney smoking and partying with Paris Hilton.
Here are a few new theories. When I re-watched Chaotic, I saw two people that were different but could both be difficult. Britney seemed extremely high maintenance. She demanded everyone's attention whether she was in a good mood or a bad mood. She wanted what she wanted when she wanted it. Kevin was more laid back, but he could be aloof and combatitive. Their relationship, right from the start, was a battle. First Britney begs Kevin to join her on tour, telling him she won't go without him. Then when he's there the first thing she does is tell him to leave (she says she's joking). Britney goes on about how great their sex is, but when Kevin asks her if it's more than that she doesn't answer. Later she tells him she loves him, he doesn't answer, and she tells him she lied. At one point Kevin packed all his things and was prepared to leave. Britney doesn't want him to leave, and they open up to each other. Then Britney asks Kevin to marry her, which catches Kevin by surprise. He says no, but then turns around and asks her. Chaotic ends with their wedding, and a love message from Kevin. He says he can't see himself with anybody else and that he loves her more than anything.
So what happened next and why didn't it work? Although Britney probably needed a break from her career at the time, I also think Britney is a person that thrives on attention. She may not like it when the attention is negative, but she loves to perform and she loves being a superstar and having the world pay attention. It's part of her appeal. Things would have been different after the tour and the wedding. While on tour she had lots of people around her, and Kevin's only job was to entertain her. After the wedding they bought a house and Britney got pregnant. Kevin had his own ambitions, and I Britney encouraged them. She put him in her "My Prerogative" video before they were even married. She interviewed with Kevin in Details magazine. Kevin started working on his CD. But as time went on, I think a few things happened. The negativity around their marriage didn't disappear the way they had hoped. Britney got pregnant a second time shortly after Sean Preston. I don't know whether that was planned or not but it meant more time away from the public and performing and doing what she loved to do. Meanwhile, Kevin was spending more and more time on his career. Not only that, but he had decided to play on the negativity and developed a FU kind of persona. I could see Britney having a couple of problems. (1) It seems likely that a high maintenance person like Britney simply wasn't getting enough attention. (2) Kevin's FU persona could threaten her chances of remaining in the public spotlight for good, especially since it didn't look he was going to be a hit in the music world. Britney may have gone through a "My Prerogative" stage, and she may still like to be "rebellion", but at the end of the day I think she loves the public and she loves the attention they give her. An anonymous comment says Britney threatened divorce a few times before she actually did it. Since their relationship had been a battle from the beginning I can see why Kevin might think she didn't really mean it and/or that she would change her mind. But Britney had more going on then Kevin realized. In his MuchMusic interview Kevin talks about how Britney would wake him up in the middle of the night to talk about nothing important, and how he would like her to let him get his sleep. I think maybe it was far more important for him to listen and pay attention than Kevin probably realized at the time.
Now what would have been the happy ending? If Britney had talked to Kevin one more time, and Kevin had been able to respond to give Britney more of what she needed. But that's not what happened. There are lots of marriages where people go in thinking that being "soulmates" is enough, but sooner or later they either learn that there's a lot more to it, or they wind up divorced or in unhappy marriages.
Instead of calling Kevin, Britney called Larry, the mastermind of public relations. And he did a beautiful job of making the public love Britney. The only problem is, it was at the expense of Kevin. She dumped him right before we got the sales figures for "Playing With Fire", and she did it with a big public smile on her face. She did it right at the start of Kevin's tour and gave him no warning, not even a text message (if the anonymous comments are to be believed). Kevin found out when the rest of the world did. While I do not blame Britney for all of the problems in that marriage, the way she handled the divorce is all on her. I was absolutely appalled by it. I had always thought of Britney as this really nice person and I couldn't believe what she had done.
I was also appalled by the public reaction. Cheering? I realize they were taking their cue from Britney but since when is a divorce a reason to celebrate, especially when there are babies involved. I realize now that although I've been following Britney and Kevin long enough to know that most of what is printed about them is not true, most people probably believed at least part of it. I also realize now that some people are lucky enough to never have had divorce touch their lives and really don't understand what it's all about. I saw some comments like "it's been two weeks, why isn't the divorce over?" and my jaw dropped. I wish I was lucky enough to know so little about divorce. It also made me think that maybe it should be just as hard to get into marriage as it is to get out of it. I wonder if the divorce rate would drop by simply making it a requirement that the date people get their marriage license has to be at least 6 months before the wedding date. But I digress.
So how could Britney do it? If she's not this cold person who went in with a plan to have a couple of babies and get out, if she truly went in thinking they were "soulmates", how could she do it? After spending some time thinking about it, I've come to the conclusion that Britney is just really bad at taking responsibility for her actions. If you think about it, we've seen some of this from the beginning. When the world was outraged at that a bad role model Britney was, Britney's response was that she didn't want to be a role model. Which is fine and well and understandable to a point, but the truth was that she was a role model whether she wanted to be one or not. People wanted her to take responsibility for that and she didn't. When asked about what happened with Jason her first response was that she swept away in the moment of being in Vegas. Okay. But then she got it annulled and never talked to Jason again. Jason had to face public ridicule on his own (perhaps a foreshadowing of what was to come), plus, from the sounds of it in interviews, he truly cared about Britney, and it was tough for him to get over what had happened. Britney's "mistake" had big consequences for someone else, but she didn't even pick up the phone to apologize or see how he was doing, and she'd known him since childhood. When Britney was photographed driving with Sean Preston her first response was that she was terrified of the paparazzi and had to get away. She did say she made a mistake the next day (probably at her manager's advice). But later in the Dateline interview, for which she didn't allow anyone around her, not even a hair and makeup person, she refused to say that the incident was a mistake and instead said she was "country" and she just wanted to be left alone. I realize that she lives in a weird world where she can't leave the house without the world wanting something from her, and that she has all kinds of people around her telling her what to do. But she's an adult now and it's not really an excuse. She seems to be really into "rebellion," but I have another word for it and that's plain old inconsiderate. Even at the wedding in Chaotic you can see that neither her mother or her father are particularly pleased by the surprise. Probably not the first time they've had to deal with her surprises, and maybe, subconsciously or not, Britney likes doing things this way because it keeps everyone focused on her. So Britney dumps Kevin with no notice, and then two weeks later she presents at an awards show just after a joke where they pack Kevin up and dump him in the ocean. Maybe the reason Britney was so upset about it was because it was kind of symbolic of what she had just done to him.
Kevin paid a pretty big price for this little problem that Britney has taking responsibility. But I think Kevin will be okay in the end. I've been really impressed with the way he's gone on and completed his tour. I think he's right to stay in the public eye right now if he wants to continue a celebrity career. He has family and friends around him. But it really has to have been a tough month to be Kevin Federline, no matter how strong he is. In the long run, I'm far more concerned about the children. Kori is old enough to understand some of this. I wonder how that's going to affect her, not to mention her and Kaleb's relationship with Sean Preston and Jayden James. Sean Preston and Jayden James will now grow up with divorced parents. And no matter what happens now, when they look back at this time they are going to see the public ridiculing their dad and a nice picture of Britney smiling on the cover of People magazine with the title "Britney files for divorce!" I have hope that the future looks brighter. Kevin and Britney are partners in raising two boys and I really hope they are both up to the responsibility of all that that means.